She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
