My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Are my feet made of real feet?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
