He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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