the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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