You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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