you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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