he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
