Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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