your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
