In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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