i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
