I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I pour the whiskey from now on
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
