when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
