my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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