so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
