there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
