I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
