new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What drink are we having for lunch?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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