Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
