You made me cry and you don't even care
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
