Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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