Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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