I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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