just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
