I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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