Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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