we're blogging at a bar
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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