just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
