so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Randomize
