Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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