Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
