I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
