His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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