So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
