i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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