someone threw a dead crab at me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
