"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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