i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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