She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
