Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
