i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
