I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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