I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was confusing and full of hummus
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
