You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
