I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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