you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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