it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Drunk is not a location!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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