I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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