I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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