whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
