i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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