I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
