WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
