a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
