i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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