Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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