this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
