Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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