Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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