im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sarcasm needs its own font
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
