so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
