Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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