Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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