I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
