I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
