I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
