sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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