party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
