Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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