I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
