Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
