Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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