I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
