i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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