I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
