We named our party play list daddy issues
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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