Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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