I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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