she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
