Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think your dad took our porno
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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