All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
