Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I didn't notice because vodka
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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