I just threw up on my dentist
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
