I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
im holly from the hills drunk
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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