she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
