I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
