I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm at about main and main street
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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